


This Problem Lies in Me

by MalecAcid



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, NONE OF IT YOU FREAKS, No Incest, POV Ben Hargreeves, Platonic Cuddling, Protective Klaus Hargreeves, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, THEIR BROTHERS, THEY LOVE EACH OTHER BROTHER WISE, because, im sad, yknow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24958954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalecAcid/pseuds/MalecAcid
Summary: Training was different, that day.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Comments: 12
Kudos: 110





	This Problem Lies in Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is sad and I'm sad mckxkckx
> 
> Not proofread, sorry about that 😔😔😔
> 
> (Title from the song Monster by Imagine Dragons)

Training was different, that day. 

Ben never liked the horror, this thing that was apart of him, this thing that tore his stomach open painfully just so that it could knock down the targets that his father had set up. The targets had started as foam, then went to mannequins, then brick podiums. The brick podiums hurt. Ben didn't know that he could feel things like pain through the horror, but when the brick podium was smashed into he felt like collapsing onto the floor and crying. 

The brick podiums hurt, yes. They hurt so much, but not as much as the training on the day after his thirteenth birthday. The training meant to 'prepare him' for the first mission. The mission that had almost hurt as much as the training. Almost. 

Being called for individual training wasn't a new thing, none of his siblings nor Ben had thought anything of it when mom had come to get him. He only groaned in response, as he normally did, when told that he had to train. 

Ben held Grace's hand, as he always did, as she led him down to the basement where his, and presumably his siblings, individual training took place. Nothing was out of the ordinary, that Ben could see, as mom opened the thick steel door leading into the room where he would once again be forced to release the beings in his stomach. 

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary as Grace turned and walked back, closing the door behind her and leaving Ben to walk into the room as she normally did. Though when he walked further into the room, rather than there being brick podiums for him to destroy, there was nothing. He walked further into the room cautiously before speaking. 

"Dad...?" He trailed off, and startled when he walked out from behind a glass wall, not having seen him before. He looks at him harshly before speaking. 

"Number Six. Your training today is going to be a little... different, than usual. Stand here." He pointed to a spot in the center of the room, and Ben quickly obeyed, stepping onto the spot where Reginald had pointed. 

Before Ben could ask, Reginald walked behind the glass where he once was, and an array of animals came up from the floor around him. Stray cats and dogs that he remembered seeing on the streets. He looked around at all five of them, confused, before turning back to his father. 

"I assume you know what you are required to do." He spoke quickly, adjusting his monocle as he stared at Ben, who just shook his head after looking around again. 

Reginald signed before speaking again. "Eliminate the 'threat.' You need to be prepared to attack moving targets, number six." Ben felt his stomach churn at his words, and this time, he didn't know if it was the horror or his dinner from an hour before. He didn't speak or move, only staring at his father in disbelief. 

"Your hesitation is weakness. Complete the task, now." Ben still didn't move, and his father continued. "Or, we could use some incentive...?" He trailed of, a knowing look on his face as Ben shook his head wildly, remembering the only time he ever refused to let the horror out, it resulting in Klaus being taken and then coming back days later, quiet, and nothing like the brother that Ben knew. He couldn't let that happen again. 

A tear fell down his cheek that he angrily scrubbed away with his sleeve as he looked around at all the animals. Some of them walked slowly up to him, hoping for a pet, and Ben couldn't. He couldn't, he couldn't, he couldn't, he couldn't- 

He screamed as his stomach ripped open painfully, the horror coming out and feeling none of the sadness that Ben had as it ripped each and every animal apart, grabbing them as they attempted to run away and ripping them in half, their blood splattering onto Ben's face and mixing with his tears as he screamed in anger, pain and fear. So much fear. 

The animals were dead, they were dead, and the horror was still out and searching for more targets and his father was screaming at him and he just wanted mom. He wanted mom and Klaus and Diego and they weren't here and he was alone- 

He screamed again, and the horror came back into his stomach, sealing it behind itself and Ben collapsed onto the floor, sobbing as his father stood over him, a disappointed look I'm his eyes. 

"This will not be the last time. You are weak." He stepped over Ben, avoiding the blood on the floors and him as much as he could as he walked out of the room, presumably to get Grace or Pogo to collect Ben, to clean the floors. To clean the blood that the monster spilled. To clean the blood that he spilled. 

What could have only been moments later, he felt a hand lightly rest on his shoulder, and he flinched away from the touch violently. Looking up, he saw Pogo looking down at him sadly And with pity. 

"Come, master Ben. Let's get you to your room." He held his hand out to help Ben stand, completely ignoring the blood coating him as he led him to his room, leaving him standing in the middle of it, coated in sweat, blood, and tears, as Pogo walked out, closing the door behind him. 

Ben stood there for only a moment before bringing his nails to his arms, itching at the blood that seemed to be attached to his skin. It wouldn't come off, it was stuck, and he was stuck, stuck covered in blood, blood of the beings that he killed. He itched and itched and scratched but it wouldn't come off, it wouldn't and he- 

He needed a shower. He needed to be rid of what he had done, he needed to erase the memory of the past hour and he needed a shower. 

He grabbed a new uniform from his dresser and raced to the bathroom, hoping that he wouldn't run into any of his siblings on the way there. Hoping that they wouldn't see him like this, like the monster he really was. 

He breathed a sign of relief when he made it into the bathroom, turning around quickly and locking the door behind him. He rushed to throw his clothes onto the counter, and ripped his existing ones off, stepping quickly into the too-hot spray of the shower. 

He stayed for what could've been hours, scrubbing the blood and maybe a few layers of skin off, trying to get rid of the itch that seemed to be under his skin. Trying to get rid of the itch that was in his head. In his mind. 

When he stepped out of the bathroom, the itch not fully gone but bearable, the house was silent, the doors to each of his siblings rooms shut. 

He walked quickly and quietly to his own room, throwing the bloody clothes into the trashcan, covering them with paper and other trash, before collapsing into his own bed. 

His eyes were wide open as he checked the time, 9:00 pm. He layed in the bed on his back, his blanket pulled up to his chin as he stared at the wall, unwilling to even blink for a second. 

After an hour of staring, unblinking, at the wall, Ben decided that sleep was not going to happen. Not like this. 

He threw the blanket off of him to the side in frustration, groaning as he rubbed his temples, but not daring to cover his eyes. 

He swung his legs over the bed, attempting to gain the confidence for what he was going to do before standing completely up and walking to his door. 

He leaned his head against it, signing, and then turning the knob and walking through, keeping his steps quiet as he walked down the hallway towards Klaus' room. 

'This was stupid.' He thought as he slowly turned the knob. They hadn't done this since they were little kids, not since Klaus found better comfort in drugs than in Ben. 

He hit his head against the door lightly, steeling himself, before fully turning the knob and walking into the dark room, looking towards the lump on Klaus' bed before shaking his head, mumbling to himself quietly as he turned around to walk right back out. 

Before he could get far, he heard a voice sound from underneath the blanket lump on the bed, and he jumped slightly in surprise as Klaus called out his name questioningly. 

"Sorry." Ben whispered, his hand resting on the knob as he looked at Klaus' tired eyes with his guilty ones. 

Klaus shook his head lightly, lifting the blanket from its place on the bed with a quiet 'come here.' 

Ben suppressed his tears as he turned to close the door, and then walked quickly to collapse into Klaus' bed, curling into the warmth, and the itch under his skin seemed to settle slightly at the touch. 

Klaus curled around Ben, moving the blanket so that it covered them both before speaking as he squeezed Ben's arm comfortingly. 

"Training?" He asked, and one word shouldn't have been able to bring Ben to almost tears. 

"Yeah." He said softly. "He, he made me... He made me..." 

"I know." Klaus interrupted Ben before he could say anything else, squeezing his arm tighter before moving his hand to rest at his brothers stomach. 

What he didn't expect was the way Ben pushed away from him with a look of horror, a horrible sob escaping his lips as he all but fell out of the bed, clutching at his stomach tightly with his hands, almost as if he could rip the monster that caused him so much pain from his own body. 

Klaus sat up in surprise before falling to the floor himself, crawling closer to Ben and wrapping his arms rightly around his shoulders, making sure to go nowhere near his stomach. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Klaus mumbled, holding him tightly until his sobs finally stopped. They didn't move from their place in the floor, only curled tighter together and fell asleep like that, Grace and Pogo finding them in the morning, sad smiles on each of their faces.

**Author's Note:**

> !!! Hope you liked it :DD


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